promises
by bombsareforbabies
Summary: It's her first kiss and Naruto's last. She promises him that she will bring Sasuke home. It's his dying wish, after all. (Naruto bleeds out faster than the kyuubi can heal him. Sakura learns that being a ninja is more than fancy jutsu and fun. Sasuke does not know that he just killed his best friend, and turned his most loyal comrade into his worst enemy.) GEN
1. Chapter 1

Sakura is trained by Tsunade, but the Hokage is a busy woman. Kakashi also helps her, but he has missions that he needs to go on, especially after the increase of incapacitated shinobi brought on by the invasion from the Chunin Exams. So, when she has nothing to do, she does not just relax; she trains as much as possible. Until she bleeds, because then she can practice her healing and try over again. Until she can barely hold up a kunai, because she needs endurance if she is going to survive long enough to keep her promise.

Maybe, before, when she was naive and hopeful, she would sit back and take a break, but not anymore. The life of a shinobi was shown to her, and she will not back down from it.

She will run fist first into the flames, and come out the other side with only smoke and cinders left behind her. Haruno Sakura will become a name that is respected and feared throughout the nations, and then she will be worthy enough to honor the one that she visits every day.

"Naruto…" Her voice trails off as she brushes her fingertips across the letters that have been carved into cold stone. "...I will bring him home for you."

.

It starts with Sakura following Kakashi as he leaves.

When Sakura goes with Kakashi to see what has happened, she wishes that she had decided to stay back in Konoha.

There is a boy with his chest ripped open, and a faint twitching inside of it that she soon recognizes as his exposed heart. Somehow, he is still breathing. His mouth moves, and both her and their sensei gather close to hear his last words.

"I'm sorry I couldn't keep my word, Sakura." He coughs, and she can literally see his insides straining to extend his life until he is finished talking. "But… Promise me you'll bring the bastard back? For me; not for anybody else, so please, don't look so guilty." He tries to reach for her, but he is shuddering too much.

She leans down and gives him the kiss that he has always wanted from her. Into his lips, she whispers her oath. "I promise, Naruto."

The last exhale of his lungs tastes like a sun setting over the horizon.

.

Everybody else survives, and that is a miracle. She can only watch as Ino clings to her teammates, sobbing into their shoulders as they try not to do the same.

 _I could have stopped him, if only…_ Her mind knows that it is not true, that he would have gone no matter what she had said. _Then why do I feel so guilty?_

She is sitting alone in the hospital visiting area, and has to stop looking at so many happy and relieved faces before she cries. It's not fair, because Naruto had worked so hard and he had never hesitated to give those same kinds of warm smiles to people. Even after all of the stupid things that were said to him, he smiled.

Sakura is not brave enough to smile for others, let alone herself.

A touch to her shoulder jolts her from her thoughts. Not sure if she wants to be thankful or angry with the person, she just turns around to glance at them with a totally neutral look on her face.

Kakashi looks just as wrecked as she is. The small portion of his face that she can see is enough to tell that he blames himself for this. Guilt practically rolls off of him in waves. She motions for him to sit beside her.

What is left of Team Seven quietly mourns.

.

"I want to learn how to heal." The words come out of her mouth with a false bravado that everybody can see through. An older man with white hair sits in a chair, by the window of the Hokage's office. Sakura thinks that she remembers Naruto talking about him. _Jiraiya, that's his name_. "I can come back another time."

"You're his teammate." The mane of hair shifts, and Sakura thinks that the tattoos on his face look like tears. She nods. His breath comes out as a shudder. "Okay."

The door does not slam behind him, but she can tell that more force than necessary is used to close it.

Tsunade is tired. Even with her jutsu, she looks older. The bags under her eyes speak louder than any words could. She blames herself too, Sakura realizes. Everybody is blaming themselves, and she hates it. Even though her heart is under constant constraint and guilt pounds through her veins, she knows that it is not anybody's fault.

None of them put a fist straight through Naruto's chest. Her hands clench, and she knows that she wants to be able to break as much as put together. The violence of it does not bother her, not since she kissed a boy who bled for a team that was not there with him.

"Teach me how to fight too." Sakura uses demanding words, but the way they come tumbling out of her mouth is anything but. Soon her voice is nothing but a whisper. "Please. I should have been there to heal him, _protect_ him."

.

 _(I taught him that jutsu. Sensei, I am so sorry. Obito, Rin, I couldn't save you and I couldn't save sensei's son. I have failed you.)_

 _(I let him go. Dan, Nawaki, he was so much like you. He was going to become Hokage someday, but now he can't.)_

 _(I should have stopped him, I should have fought to make him stay. My crush couldn't save either of their hearts.)_

.

The funeral is attended by less than two dozen people. A boy has died by the hand of a comrade, to bring him back to a village that won't even show up to honor his sacrifice.

The service is short, and the grave is marked by only a small rock. Sakura thinks that she heard Tsunade mention that it was to prevent grave desecration, and she wishes for the thousandth that she was only strong enough to stop Sasuke before he even left.

It starts raining, and eventually everyone leaves. All alone in the downpour, Sakura falls to her knees. Her sniffles betray her attempts to keep the tears from falling down her face. _Shinobi don't cry!_

"It's okay, you know." Kakashi squats down, an umbrella in hand. It covers the both of them, and now she can't hide the mist in her eyes. Looking over at her teacher, she sees that neither can he. "Sometimes, we need to cry. Never become so hard that you can't cry."

He hugs her, and they're both soaking and she is sobbing. It's bone crushing and she knows that her snot is running down what is probably his one good outfit. She can feel his tears staining her shirt just as much.

.

Sakura goes down to the memorial stone, where Naruto's name was carved. It's strange how he said he wanted his name to be on that stone, the first time they were a team. Life's irony is no longer funny to her, nowadays it is more of a cruel joke.

When she gets there, she sees somebody else.

"Kakashi-sensei?"

He turns around, and his eyebrow is raised. "Sakura? What are you doing here?" She points to the memorial, and he nods. Coming to stand beside him, she realizes that he is totally relaxed. He must stand here a lot, and she wonders who he has lost. Many, probably. If this is the fate of a shinobi, then… She will make sure that she can prevent as much of this as possible.

.

They just stand in silence for a long time. Sakura doesn't know what to think, other than apologies. Eventually she starts to tell Naruto things that she thinks he would enjoy hearing; even if she feels ridiculous, it actually helps.

When she finds herself in the same spot two hours later, she knows that she will never yell at Kakashi for being late again.


	2. Chapter 2

Team Seven is not disbanded, per se. Sakura is still Kakashi's student, and Kakashi is still Sakura's sensei. They do not meet as much and Sakura has other teachers now, but there is bond between them that neither are willing to give up.

Sakura has great chakra control, and by practicing and using jutsu she learns how to restrain it while slowly growing her chakra pools. It is arduous work, but at the end of the day she is proud of herself.

Every morning she tells Naruto what she has been doing, and how he would have been so much more enthusiastic about it. He was always determined; he never gave up.

"I'm learning to be half as stubborn as you were." Sakura lets out a laugh that is half air and half tears. Her next words are whispered through a constricting throat. "I miss you, Naruto. So damn much."

.

Kakashi-sensei is the one who makes her a ninja, rather than a myriad of techniques squished together. He works her relentlessly and does not let her give up until she accomplishes her goal, or is incapable of doing so without risking injury. It is good, even though it hurts.

Every time her muscles feel sore, they feel stronger. Every time her breathing is shallow and rapid, her lungs feel deeper and clearer. Every time she trains, she is one step closer to her goal.

There is an understanding between the two that has never been there before. The first time she looks up at Kakashi and sees a true mentor, as opposed to a lazy sensei who has put the bare minimum into teaching, it is a shock. They are standing at the memorial stone just after the sun has started peeking out from behind the horizon, and neither says anything. But that does not mean her revelation goes unnoticed.

A gloved hand ruffling her hair means more than words ever could.

.

Sakura brings a fish back from 'death' before she comprehends exactly what she has done. The thing flops around, and there is a sense of success bubbling in her chest. It was by no means _easy_ , but there was an instinct there, guiding her.

Life and death go hand in hand, and Sakura feels more balanced than ever before. She has not had much training yet; still, there is a thrumming under her skin that feels like accomplishment.

Tsunade puts a stern hand on her shoulder and squeezes just a little, in affection. Both of them wish that people were as easy to revive as fish.

.

It is a surprise when Shizune joins her as she hurls weapons at targets. The woman is so quiet next to her larger-than-life mentor, and Sakura hates to admit that she has almost forgotten her existence.

Something about her is reminiscent of tales about the kunoichi of the past. She is petite, she wears a kimono more often than not, and she does not regularly speak unless addressed. There are also callouses on her hands, scars covered by makeup, a glint of danger in her wide eyes.

Sakura stares for a second, and the next there are three senbon in the bullseye of the target. When she goes to take them and return them to Shizune, the woman stops her. "They're coated in… well, you don't want to touch it." Sakura stares, as she rips them out barehanded.

She turns to Sakura and continues. "I can help you, if you want. When I'm not busy keeping Tsunade from escaping her paperwork…" The last part is a grumble that Sakura feels she should not have heard.

.

Sakura learns to be overt as well as subtle, like she learns to break bones and to mend them.

.

"Sakura!" The voice that yells is one she recognizes as Ino. Sakura does not know how her former friend even feels about her anymore. She did, after all, let one comrade die and another turn traitor. Turning around she expects a glare or a pout or anything but what she receives.

Arms engulf her in a hug, and she almost falls backwards. Hesitant hands grasp Ino's back, and suddenly Sakura is sobbing into the crevice made by her shoulder and neck.

.

They go to eat lunch when Sakura finally calms down. Only after being seated opposite her friend, does Sakura speak. "I'm sorry," she has no idea if she is apologizing to Ino, the world in general, or to Naruto, "I couldn't…"

"Shut up, forehead." The tone is sharp, but in a strained sort of way. Looking up, Sakura sees the way Ino's eyebrows are scrunches and her lips are turned into a frown. "It's not." Sakura feels a _flick_ on her forehead. "Your." _Flick_. "Fault!" _Flick_. They look each other in the eyes, for the first time in a long while, and it is obvious that Ino is trying hard to understand.

"Okay." Both pretend to believe what she says. Her voice is scratchy, a combination of waking from nightmares screaming and not speaking to people. Most of her communication tended to be silent nowadays.

.

Sakura takes D-ranks, as long as it does not involve catching the daimyo's wife's cat. Painting fences, weeding flowerbeds, delivering things from point A to point B, it is all fairly mindless and relaxing. She even makes a few acquaintances with her clients, which is a surprisingly effective way to get the village gossip. People love blabbering on, even if they know Sakura is not really paying attention to them.

She is organizing shelves of pre-made explosive tags when she hears it.

"Yeah, that fox kid. What was the name? Namuto? No, _Naruto_ , yeah, well…" Her ears perk up at the mention of her friend's name. "Heard that it bit the dust. The Uchiha's gone though… but hell, I don't blame him. If my son were on a team with _that_ , I-!"

The speaker is cut short. Sakura has a tag in her hand, with her palm against the forehead of the woman who called Naruto an _it_. The man who she was talking to starts to back away, but the lady grabs his wrist before he can escape without her.

"Leave. Now." Sakura has never heard her voice sound so cold before. She watches as the two people scamper away, then looks down at the blank sheet of paper in her hands. A feeling of _grey_ washes over her, and she leaves, telling the shop owner that he does not have to pay her.

When she gets to the small rock with _Uzumaki Naruto_ written in it, she lets herself break down into tears. Her sobs are ugly and loud, nothing like the dainty ones on drama shows, but they are all she has.

.

The sun dyes the sky a blue and orange as it comes up, and it is so painful to watch. She watches anyways, and lets her fingers slide over stone that is slightly wet from the morning dew.

"Does it ever get easier?"

"I still ask myself the same thing, sometimes."


	3. Chapter 3

Kakashi has somehow become Sakura's confidante, which is saying something. Times when they are not busy, which are far and few between, Sakura is more often than not by his side. Mostly he trains her, and there is an unspoken language in that. Rarely they talk, yet the few words they do exchange have meaning behind them.

If they are not training, she follows behind as he buys tools and books, but she learns a surprising amount from him. How to tell which kunai is a little bit better, telling the difference between editions of Icha Icha by observing the subtle differences in the ink. Although the last one _did_ get them kicked out of a store, it also helps her observe and take note of things with a keener eye.

Still, they spend time with others. It's just that there is an understanding between them not present in their other relationships. Both wish that they could trade it in exchange for things going back to how they were. But, naïveté has no place in a shinobi's mind. The only person she knows that could pull being so innocent off is dead.

.

 _His heart is beating, but the only reason she knows is because she can see it in his exposed chest._

 _Ba-thump, ba-thump._

 _Those are the only indications that her friend is alive. She sticks her hands, covered by a green glow, into the cage that his ribs make._

 _Ba-thump, ba-thump._

 _Despite her efforts, the blood keeps flowing and flowing and flowing, until she almost gives up. But…-_

 _Ba-thump, ba-thump._

 _-But the blood stops and the skin around his chest seals back up and she is hugging him._

" _Naruto!" She buries her head in his shoulder and rocks back and forth._

 _A hand weakly pats her back, comforting her. "You saved me, Sakura." His smile is like sunshine breaking through the desolate rainclouds._

She wakes up with tears on her face and unable to muster up the energy to wipe them away.

.

Sakura is sitting with Ino and the rest of Team Ten. The conversation is mindless and innocent, so far from what she has gotten used to these past weeks. At one point Shikamaru falls asleep, and Ino shoves him awake. He lands right into Chouji's plate and the food spills all over Ino. The whole team starts to argue, but with no real aggression in it; they argue like old friends.

Asuma, who is the one paying for all of this, just looks at Sakura. He motions towards the three and rolls his eyes, cigarette hanging loosely between his lips.

For the first time in a long while, Sakura laughs. She laughs like a child, something which she has not felt like in forever.

.

Later in the afternoon, it fully sinks in. Sakura laughed, and Naruto wasn't there to experience it with her. She knows that what she is feeling is unjustified, but she still makes a turn down a side street.

It starts raining.

( _Ba-thump._ )

.

The rain is heavy as it pelts down on the village. Most have gone inside their houses, a safe haven against the cold and wet outdoors. Sakura stands in the middle of a field, looking at a stone that was erected for the sole purpose of immortalizing the honorable deaths of their shinobi.

 _You're allowed to laugh_. It still feels like she's betraying him, even if she knows differently. If he were here, Naruto would tell her that he is glad she can laugh, that she should laugh more. She knows that she did not betray his memory because she laughed at one stupid thing, but she still feels like she did. Just _knowing_ does nothing to alleviate the heaviness she feels in her chest.

A hand curls around her shoulder. It is a sudden break from her thoughts, but she does not flinch nor turn around. She knows the touch, and she knows who is standing beside her. "I'll walk you back to your house." Sakura can hear the ' _I know this pain too_ ' in his words.

"Thanks, Kakashi-sensei."

.

Tsunade is a harsh teacher, but in a different way than Kakashi. While he is stern and mostly silent, she is harsh and verbal. Before, Sakura would have quit under the treatment. Now, she recognizes the loss in the Hokage's eyes. Sakura does not ask who else she has lost, just nods in understanding after each yell at her to _not flinch_ , or _put her weight into it_.

The woman wants to make Sakura into something strong enough to withstand a hit, yet flexible enough so as not to become a brittle glass cannon. One strong blow is all it takes for great warriors to fall, and it is almost never a physical one that truly fells them.

Sakura vows to not let herself fall.

Not until she makes good on her promise.

.

The first thing Shizune teaches her is how to extract poison from her body without affecting the nearby areas. It is hard, much harder than getting a fish's heart to beat again, but the ability is a necessary one. Especially if she is going to be working even halfway as closely with toxins as Shizune. Dying because of one wrong move and a lack of training is foolish.

She manages to pick out the poison and tug it out, although she ends up taking some blood as well. It is not enough to matter to a person, but Sakura glares at the little red mixed with the rest.

Shizune pats her head, and tells her that she is doing spectacularly for somebody so young, that it usually takes twice as long for people to learn. Sakura still stares at the minuscule dots of crimson. They almost look like eyes, gazing at her with a cold indifference.

.

Occasionally, Sakura is passed around from team to team, training with every other member of the Rookie Nine at one point or another. ( _Rookie_ _Seven now, and isn't that ironic?_ )

Judging from the looks of the jonin leaders, she is allowed in on these sessions mostly out of pity. Even the other kids are walking on eggshells around her. But, as long as she gets to train with them and they don't hold back in spars, she is okay with it. Sakura wants to learn, and she is not about to deny herself that opportunity out of pride.

.

In trying to perfect a taijutsu form that Asuma showed them, Sakura ends up with a nasty scratch on her leg. The plant that nicked her leaves its needle-like growths stuck in her skin, and she can feel the burn of a rash approaching already.

She removes the needles from her leg and puts her hand up to the cuts. Slowly, she extracts the tainted blood from her system and closes the wound. While not skilled enough to extract the mild poison alone, sacrificing a few extra drops of blood is worth the practice and experience. She notices that there is less red mixed in, but she still frowns.

"Hm." Sakura turns around and sees Asuma standing behind her. Smoke lazily trails off into the sky and his usually laid back demeanor is gone. "I think I know the perfect thing for you."

.

"A C-rank, huh?"

Kakashi squats beside where Sakura sits on the ground.

She nods, toeing at her bag. Her foot accidentally brushes against the cold stone of the memorial. Every day she sits here, and it will feel strange for her to spend time away from the village and her routine. _And Naruto_.

She had found a routine, one held together by pure stubbornness. And now she is afraid to lose it, even if only for a few days. Just as she starts to feel like herself again…

There is a hand on her shoulder, and it squeezes lightly. She turns to face Kakashi, and is met with an unfurled bandana instead of his face. The henohenomoheji stares at her, and she can hear her sensei speak from behind it.

"For the road?" He holds it out.

It's stupid and small and useless, and it makes Sakura the happiest she has been in a while. "Thank you, sensei." Tears reserved for small, important joys run down her cheeks. She hugs Kakashi, for once not out of shared mourning. He is stiff at first, but he slowly brings his hands up to embrace the crying thirteen year old.


	4. Chapter 4

The sun is too bright; it has been for weeks, rising and falling without remorse. _It's so unfair._ Sakura breathes deeply, clutching at her bandana so hard that her knuckles turn white.

She is two minutes late, but nobody is at the village gates yet. Maybe waking up extra early to go to her usual vigil was pointless. Not that she regrets doing it, because this is going to be her first time really outside of the village since Naruto was alive and she needed the time to speak to him before she left.

Sakura had stood over his grave for more hours than usual, promising him over and over and over again.

 _I will bring him back, Naruto._

.

Team Gai arrives eventually. There is a flicker of something like surprise on Gai's face when he sees her. She cannot help but think that he was expecting her to show up late, if at all. The man hides it behind a bright smile and a thumbs up; it is more subdued than his usual antics.

"We are to bring this most Youthful book of recipes to an Aspiring chef who lives in a border town!" His voice booms, and she can practically hear the capitalization of certain words. It's impressive as well as a bit intimidating. "Sakura-chan here will be joining us in place of the usual medic-nin that accompany trips to and over Fire Country borders."

Sakura bows, her slight inclination enough for her bright locks of hair to get in her face. Brushing the strands away, she realizes that she can put her hair into a small ponytail. It surprises her, that enough time has passed by for her to notice the growth.

It is a small thing to most, but all that Sakura can think of is how Naruto was alive when she last cut her hair. Naruto was alive, she knew beyond a doubt that Sasuke had a soul, and everything was _good_. A half-inch of hair between then and now, and it feels like too little and too much at the same time.

Her thoughts are interrupted by a low voice. "Tie the hair up." It's a blunt command, but there is a certain twinge of empathy wrapped in the words also. Sakura raises her eyes to look at the speaker.

Neji looks as tired as her.

.

The trip there is mostly uneventful. Nothing like her last C-rank mission, thankfully. Sakura has had enough of seeing her comrades bleed out for a lifetime, and she knows that she will see even more. Just, not right now.

Leaves do not crunch underneath their sandals; they are trained to not make noise. Sakura wonders when she last heard the crinkle of autumn. It is instinct, but one that she has not really noticed until now. _He was always loud enough that we wouldn't have heard the footsteps anyways._

They really are ghosts, leaving no evidence of their existence behind.

Sakura tries to adjust the bandana Kakashi gave her, yet the stray strands of pink fall through. She lets go when she feels Neji take the cloth and adjust it for her.

"Thanks."

There is a pause, then, "You're welcome."

.

A tiredness lies over the whole team, and Sakura knows it is in part because of her. She is a reminder of a comrade lost, and promises broken. She does not begrudge them; they do not do it on purpose. Her team is, _was_ , somewhat infamous and now the forgotten one is the last person standing. The circumstance is an odd one.

There is irony there, and Sakura hates it.

.

Camp is set up for the night, and Sakura takes the first lookout shift. It is not as if she will be able to sleep without either exhausting herself or having nightmares. She will take exhaustion any day of the week.

There is a rustling from behind her and she whirls around with a kunai gripped in her hand. She lowers it as soon as she sees that it is only Neji. He walks over and sits beside her, gazing into nothing for a while before he speaks.

"He forced me to believe in a fate that I alone make," a sigh, as heavy as Sakura's own, "But now, I don't know what to believe."

Sakura really _looks_ at Neji. His aloof and reserved personality is gone, leaving only a directionless boy with bags under his milky eyes. Neji only knew him for a short amount of time, but in that time Naruto became his compass to go by. All too soon was he taken away; Sakura does not envy him, for all of his brilliance. She does not know what to do with his sudden openness, but she has to say something.

"Fate doesn't exist," her voice is rough and harsh, "if things were already written, good people wouldn't have to die."

 _He would still be alive_.

They sit in silence, wondering if the universe really can be that cruel. When the time comes for her shift to end, Sakura hears Neji.

"Thank you." His tone is reluctant and awkward. She knows that he will be closed off like usual by the time the sun comes up.

.

"Thank you so much! My family's secret recipes have been passed down for generations, and I had no idea how I was going to get them since I moved away!" The chipper man clutches Gai-sensei's hands between his own as he gushes joy.

"You are very welcome! I am just glad that you are keeping your Family Traditions alive and Youthful!"

Being who he is, Gai does not register how loud the both of them are. His team, plus Sakura, edge away from him to spare their eardrums.

They leave the next day. All in all, it is an uneventful mission. Sakura just wonders when it will all go downhill; nothing in her world ends simply with a pat on the shoulder and a job well done.

.

The trip back is as quiet as it can get with Gai and Lee on the team. Sakura walks beside Neji and wonders how many people her friend had touched in his short life. She wishes that she had learned something from him when he was alive. But all she has is hindsight and a grave to visit.


	5. Chapter 5

"This isn't like visiting father's grave," Neji mutters, but loud enough that they both know Sakura can hear him. She wonders if his sudden openness is for her or the boy in the ground. Maybe both.

There is silence; Sakura does not know what it's like to lose a parent. She would offer comfort, but she has a feeling that is not what Neji wants. They are alike in that aspect, preferring to sit by his grave, reflecting on the past in silence rather than with words. Sakura doubts this is healthy, but they are shinobi. Shinobi are never _healthy_.

.

Sakura knows her sensei's presence by now, and anticipates the hand curling around her shoulder. There is no noise except for the wind blowing in the trees. It is calming. Not in a peaceful or content way though; more of the numbing kind that makes one question their own existence.

When Kakashi speaks, Sakura is glad. Both of them were on the verge of getting lost within themselves.

"So, Neji."

"It's not like that." Sakura does not mean to sound defensive, but it really isn't. She stopped be a little girl with dreams of romance and princes to come to her rescue a long time ago.

Kakashi raises his eyebrow, "I wasn't trying to say it was."

"I know," and Sakura _does_ know. It's just that she resents her past self's idealized thinking and projected onto Kakashi's words. "I'm sorry."

He squeezes her shoulder in acceptance. They stand in comfortable silence for a while. This is the most either have spoken to each other in a long time, but they have grown closer in that time.

It only took Team Seven being ripped apart from the inside out for its remains to grow close.

.

Sakura lies in her bed for the first time in a while. Her mother kisses her forehead, a gesture that is much more appreciated now than before. Just a few months ago she would have thrown a fit about being treated like a child; she wishes she was still a child sometimes.

 _But I was naïve. Would I really go back to when I thought that everything could be fixed for me? To when my stupid crush caused Naruto's death?_

No, she could not in good conscience go back to before she learned how shinobi really lived. Even if she was given the chance to. She would only repeat the same mistakes all over again.

"I love you," Sakura blinks away from her thoughts and remembers that her mother is there, leaning against the doorway. Alive.

( _Will my mother outlive me? Do all shinobi die young?_ )

"Love you too, mama." Sakura tries not to think about the questions swirling around in her head.

.

Neji and Ino have become her closest friends out of Konoha's genin teams. Neji understands and Ino tries to. They do not discuss Naruto or _him_ , and they do not send her pitying looks. It is more than she expected.

Training with them is hard, because one has a Clan-Jutsu and the other a kekkei genkai. When there are no blind spots and staying still for too long means an instant loss, Sakura is always panting by the time it's over. Of course, her friends ( _friends, it seemed impossible not too long ago)_ go after each other also, but she is at a natural disadvantage.

It motivates her to work harder, be faster, be _smarter_. She has a promise to uphold, after all.

.

"What are you going to do when we find him?" Kakashi appears in a flutter of leaves. He is holding his copy of 'Icha Icha Violence- in one hand, but the book is closed and at his side. His eye is half closed, but Sakura has long since learned to read his expressions.

 _When? We? Kakashi-sensei has more confidence in me than I do._

She shrugs. "Fight him, drag him back…"

Sakura has no clue. The plan is not a plan, but a hope.

There is no strategy there and it reminds her of Naruto's habit of following his heart, leaving his mind to trail behind. A pang in her chest is normal nowadays, still painful but more of an ache lately. When she thinks on that, it becomes sharp as chakra scalpels again.

"I don't know either." Kakashi admits in a soft tone, and Sakura almost starts from hearing her ever-assured sensei expressing doubt. She knows that he is as human as the rest of them ( _and they're all so_ human _that it hurts_ ), but the famous Sharingan no Kakashi was always larger than life, before. Now he hurts and bleeds and hopes like the rest of them.

It is both terrifying and a comfort to Sakura.

Legends are not born; they make themselves.

( _They destroy themselves_.)

She never wants to be a legend.

.

Shizune sits down, hands lying neatly on her lap. There are herbs and various liquids in front of her. The small fire in the room gives the scene a haunting look, with shadows streaking across the walls and in unnatural shapes. It is calm though; Sakura has learned to sense danger and nothing here is meant to harm her.

"We can't have any light that isn't made with jutsu," Shizune gestures towards the flame, "Otherwise this will end up useless."

She is more serious than usual, her tone heavy and calm. Sakura pays extra mind to what Shizune has laid before them. The plants are all fairly local, and she even recognizes a few that are edible. They will not be after this lesson, she is sure.

Shizune picks up a mortar and pestle and starts working, making sure that Sakura can see what herbs she is grinding. "Pay close attention. If you do this wrong, your target might survive."

.

By the end of the night, Sakura has a pack of toxic senbon and only a small vial of antidote.

.

She learns how to heal and destroy from Tsunade.

She learns about poisons and blood from Shizune.

She learns how to be competent in using her skills from Kakashi.

She learns how to kill from nobody but herself.


	6. Chapter 6

_After_

"You saved him," Kakashi says. Sakura shakes her head, thinking of her friend that is sitting in the the hospital's waiting room, hoping that Shikamaru makes it through the operation.

"You saved him," Kakashi repeats. He traces an empty space underneath Naruto's name. "You are why there aren't stone carvers here today."

.

Sakura has her hair back, tied by a bandana that she hopes to never lose. She waits by the gates, checking her equipment and looking over the mission scroll. It's a C-rank, led by Shikamaru. Chouji has clan duties, and they are going close enough to the border that a medic-nin, even one just in training, is recommended. It will be good to be surrounded by the familiar faces of others in the Rookie Seven. ( _Nine, it should be the Rookie Nine._ ) The other two show up, looking surprised to see her there early.

"You got here before us," Shikamaru comments and then mumbles something that sounds a lot like _How troublesome_. He sounds like he approves, although it is hard to tell with his flat tone. Ino is far more emotive, waving and hugging Sakura. It is a little stilted, both of them still not used to being close again.

After the quick greetings, Shikamaru opens a map and points to a point near the edge of the forest. It is a simple pick-up job; there is a scroll in a specific tree that was left there by an informant. Usually this sort goes to more experienced Chunin, given that it involves the handling of somewhat classified information, but numbers are still low and the village needs as many healthy shinobi taking missions and guarding it as possible. The Leaf needs to keep appearances of being strong and stable, even if that means they have to delegate things less efficiently.

They head out as soon as Shikamaru lays out the route they will take.

.

The trip should take around a day to complete while running, should nothing go awry.

It takes them a little over a week.

.

Shikamaru is leading the way with Sakura and Ino following in silence. It is surprisingly bright out, even with the thick foliage blocking out much of the sky. The weather is comfortable, and there are no strong winds to carry their scent. Still, they are shinobi and stay vigilant; they are only greeted with the usual earthy smells and chittering of forest animals.

Everything is calm as they gather the scroll, tucking it away inside of Shikamaru's pack while making a show of giving a duplicate to Sakura. One cannot be too careful in this line of work.

.

One moment they are making their way back to the village, the next there is a man with his hand around Shikamaru's neck and hands. Sakura and Ino do not move, as the man motions for them to stop, squeezing his neck tighter. Not saying anything, the man points at Sakura and makes a motion for her to come closer.

A moment passes where she hesitates. The moment is over in a second, but the man is impatient. He squeezes again, and it is obvious that Shikamaru's airway is being crushed. She slowly takes the scroll out of where she packed it and holds it out to him. For a second the man looks confused, but he makes to take it; the hand around Shikamaru's are still tight, but the one around his neck reaches out to take it.

It's a good plan for making sure that there is no way for Shikamaru to use jutsu, but he headbutts the man as soon as it is gone from his neck. The man, quickly forgetting the scroll at all, rushes to bring his hand back before Shikamaru can fully free himself. He bites down, and the man loses his grip as blood gushes from the wound.

As soon as Shikamaru gets to them, spitting the man's blood from his mouth onto the ground, they run like hell.

.

"He's not following us anymore," Ino says. "I can't detect his chakra signal anywhere." Sakura nods in agreement. The dark is starting to come in, swift with the help of the large trees that make up the forest.

They need to make a basic camp for the night; it is getting dark and they are exhausted now that the adrenaline has died down. Besides, it is better to make a defensible site rather than to spend energy they do not have trying to detect, avoid, and possibly fight a man they know nothing about. Shikamaru sets up traps in strategic positions with Sakura and Ino before they set up camp. It may not be the most sensible way to do things, but nobody wants to be left alone.

Unspoken is the unease they feel about not having some sort of mentor around. Despite the things that they have been through ( _Shikamaru leading a doomed chase, Sakura watching as the people she was just starting to know leave by choice or before their time, Ino almost losing the people that she has grown up with knowing that if they die they will take two thirds of her with them_ ), they are inexperienced and young and _scared_. None want to show it; Sakura wonders if the calm of the more experienced shinobi is a lie too. She remembers the way that those she trains under sometimes get a certain look in their eyes. _They're terrified,_ she thinks, _Just not of losing their own lives._ She knows how they feel. It is with no pride that she compares herself to them.

The night is long and even with taking shifts none feel rested when the sun slowly rises.

.

"We went way off route escaping yesterday," Shikamaru drawls, although he looks more irritated than usual. Understandable as it is, Sakura worries. Shikamaru continues, steady in his deadpan rhythm of speak. It does nothing to quell the internal distress that Sakura tries not to let show through her face. "Here is the route we'll take back. It's a little longer to the village, but a much shorter distance to relatively safe zones. There are more patrols that go through them. Less likely for us to get caught unless the guy wants to reveal himself, more chance of backup if he does, and maybe we can tell somebody about him."

The morning is quiet as they pack, disarm the traps and have a quick meal before they leave.

.

It is slow going. The whole group is lagging compared to the pace yesterday. Sakura cannot help but _think_. The mission from Wave once again circles around her head. For all the action and stress and terror, there was always the thought of Kakashi-sensei in her mind. He was their jounin sensei, he would take care of everything, he would protect them. It was a foolish thought, because he had almost gotten killed. It is a foolish thought because she knows that he is a jounin, but he is also a man who can break and not some mythical figure. A part of her wants that security back, another part of her wants to spit at her former self and scream until she understands the dangers of that kind of ignorance.

She thinks, not for the first time, that Naruto would have somehow managed to get a story out of the missing nin that had attacked. He was good at that. She is not, for all that she is learning to be more cutthroat and cunning, a very charismatic person. Too much thinking and not enough confidence and blind faith. It is this thinking, this festering over the past and what could have been, that brings something obvious to her attention.

"Why didn't he use weapons or jutsu when holding Shikamaru," Sakura asks. "Or chase us when we were running away? We even still have the decoy we were going to trade."

"Damnit," Shikamaru looks distressed, his face flushed. "I should have thought of that; I'm supposed to be a leader."

He does not mutter any 'troublesomes' or complain how everything is a drag. He has not since they woke up this morning. The chunin looks worse than yesterday, even with a night of fitful sleep and the subdued pace that they've been going.

Ino and Sakura wait for him to come to a conclusion, puzzle out the problem, or come up with some plan.

He does none of these things. There is a crash as he falls to the ground without warning.

.

Her hands rove over Shikamaru's unconscious body, using what diagnostic techniques she has. It is frustrating; she is far further with toxins than she is with diseases, and this looks like a poison of some sort. Yet, she cannot sense the root of the problem. She does what she can for the symptoms she finds, trying to bring down his fever.

When she does what she can for him at the moment, she goes to Ino who is looking at the map and then the sky. "It's getting late. Should we make camp or…?" Sakura does not know. The map shows that they have not made much in the way of progress, most likely because of Shikamaru's stamina being leached away through the day. Sakura should have noticed, damnit. At this point the sun is hanging low. They do not know if they should disturb Shikamaru or not. She gives him one more look over, but to the same result. If nothing else, he does not seem to be getting worse.

.

They set up quietly, after carrying their leader between them for as long as they are able. Almost no progress is made, as they did not dare to take the risk of using chakra to run through the trees with him like this. His condition has been slowly but surely deteriorating by the time that sundown comes. He started coughing little specks of blood an hour ago. At this pace the group can make it to the village within the next four days, if they take the shorter but riskier road. There is no question which they are taking.

"Do you think we'll get back to the village in time?" Ino does not have to say the rest of the sentence for Sakura to know what she is asking. Sakura has no idea how to answer that question; she does not want Ino to get her hopes up, but she cannot look at her friend and tell her to give up.

"I don't know." It is a quiet answer, and Sakura cannot tell if she is numb or panicking.

Sakura offers to take first watch. She pretends not to hear Ino cry quietly.

.

It is by chance that she wakes up as the hand peeks out from the ground as it pulls up the rest of the body. Sakura recognizes the man; he is moving towards her, a kunai raised. She has no time before he stabs her right in the gut. The man does not bother to take the weapon from her body. The gurgle she makes hurts as it comes up. He turns away from her and walks towards her fallen friend.

"He's still alive. Huh, well I guess these Konoha ninja are hardier than they appear," he mumbles to himself. He sounds amused.

He turns his back to her.

.

The strange thing is how anticlimactic it all is.

Sakura lets out a yell as she sticks herself to his back, which is much harder to do on a person than a tree. She grabs under his jaw and pulls while her left foot lands between his shoulder blades and she kicks down with all the force she can muster. Her only thought was to get him away from Shikamaru. It does not register that she has been training and training and there is chakra in her foot as she kicks until there is a deafening _snap_ and he falls limp.

She is still on top of him, slowly easing the kunai out of her body while healing it, so that there is no risk of her bleeding out from a sudden gaping hole in her body. There is a man underneath her, she is covered in her own blood and there is a man underneath her whose neck is angled wrong and there is a man underneath her who she killed and _there is a man she killed, she killed, oh gods, she killed him_

.

"He has a kekkei genkai: Jikomenekishikkan," Ino says. She is looking at a tattoo on the man's wrist that they had not caught before. There are symbols on it, most likely the mark of a clan. Sakura has no idea when she got here, but it is still night and Ino looks like she is about to be sick. Sakura has only fog between the killing and now. "It's rare. Their blood is basically a poison that tricks the body into thinking its own cells are foreign and dangerous. Shikamaru probably won't make it to sunrise."

Oh. Sakura almost laughs, because for once in her life luck may be on her side. He will make it back alive it is the last thing that Sakura does.

She digs through her pack, taking out a senbon coated in the toxin Shizune taught her to make. The weapon slides easily into Shikamaru's heart.


	7. Chapter 7

Tsunade had taught her how to prevent bleeding and hemorrhages before almost anything else. The woman hates blood with a passion that can only be borne of trauma, but Sakura can only thank the gods for it right now; she will have time to feel guilt after this is over. She slowly extracts the senbon, carefully making sure that it does not leave damage or cause hemorrhaging. The antidote is easier to administer. Sakura extracts a droplet, not even close enough to a full dose, and drips it into his mouth.

"What the fuck," Ino says. "Did you just stab him with _poison_?" The blonde does not try to interrupt Sakura, for which she is thankful; one misstep in the process and Shikamaru may not make it.

"It's closer to venom," Sakura acknowledges that she is in some sort of shock. The words come out of her mouth in a breathy sigh. The edges of her composure are fraying; she slaps herself hard. Ino lets out a yelp, scooting back. "It, it stops the immune system from functioning. And then destroys it completely beyond repair. So I gave him some of the antidote. Just enough to stop his immune system from dying, but not enough to let the immune system go back to it's…" She cannot think of a way to describe it that is not violent in some way. Ino nods, sparing her from thinking of proper words.

Shikamaru needs to be watched over for a few hours to make sure that the treatment is working. Then he has to be given another dose of the antidote every three hours so the potent toxin does not go into the stages where his immune system cannot recover.

Ino nods in understanding, watching the moon's position in the sky and making sure that their leader's health does not deteriorate even further. Sakura wants to sleep or cry or scream or all three. But first, she has to take care of a body.

.

There are different procedures for different kinds of bodies, besides specific jutsu, setting it alight or leaving it to the elements. It is something that shinobi are taught once they reach the rank of chunin. All potential medics have to learn this at some point during their training. Sakura, as the student of Tsunade, learns this early.

Tsunade showed her how to seal up a body in a scroll that acts like a morgue. It is used most often by bounty hunters to seal up a body until they can claim their reward. If a comrade dies, they try to use this. The Hidden Leaf's morgue looks more like a library sometimes.

Kakashi told her how to clean up after a messy battle, in a flat tone that she would not have realized was so very sad before everything fell apart. There are special techniques to figure out where all of the remains are.

Shizune is the one who taught her what to do with this man.

.

( _Tsunade sees the body of a broken boy, so still when he should be full of life. This is not how he should have died; he should have left either in peace or a blaze of glory. But never before her._ )

( _There is blood everywhere and he wants to cry; instead he picks up scattered pieces of the student he failed, who never learned of the Yondaime beyond what's in the history books. Kakashi thinks back to a boy whose body he could not bring back due to the wartime; the only piece of Obito left cries and cries and cries nowadays._ )

( _Shizune did not know this boy like the others or Lady Tsunade did, but she knows what it looks like when you have to seal a loved one like they were never alive in the first place, never people, only tools. She saw the reddish brown specks, and the way Lady Tsunade does not flinch as she takes the bloodied scroll and holds it close, tears forming in her eyes. Shizune thinks about sealing eyes, red with blood and grief, into a scroll and locking them away forever._ )

.

 _Shizune has a fish in front of her. She stabbed it with a kunai covered in a dark fluid just a few seconds ago, and it has already stilled after seizing. The woman looks at Sakura, who is paying close attention to the brutality, trusting that there is a lesson in there. There is barely a flash of metal against dull scales, and the fish is leaking blood into the bowl that holds it. A leaf, plucked from one of the massive, chakra filled trees that are everywhere, is dropped into the blood. It shrivels and dies even quicker than the fish had._

 _"_ _This poison infects the blood and then sucks the chakra from anything that it touches," Shizune pauses and then looks Sakura in the eyes. "If someone was killed by this and the animals got to them or it got into the soil, it could potentially ruin a whole ecosystem."_

 _Sakura nods slowly, thinking of Konoha shrivelling as easily as that leaf; it terrifies her, the thought of losing her home and friends and family. It must show in her eyes, because Shizune nods and continues, satisfied with whatever she saw._

 _"_ _When a body is dangerous through contact, internal or external, it is imperative that you seperate the harmful parts from the rest of the body and store it in another container. Or, in situations where it is impossible, mark the scroll you seal them in. A team of specialists looks over those bodies to safely dispose of them."_

 _"_ _How?" Sakura asks._

 _Shizune smiles at her student._

.

The man is still in the small tent area. He is not bleeding, thank the gods, but he has a rare and extremely dangerous kekkei genkai that resides in his blood. She has pulled small pieces of poison and blood from herself before, but she has never done anything on this level.

Her chakra reserves are not too low. She did not use any jutsu beyond diagnostics and stitching skin back together, which focus more on control than quantity. The way that she feels as if she is not inside of her body, the stare of the man whose life she took, the cloudiness in her head from the shock; those are what is going to make this hell.

.

When Ino comes to tell her that three hours have passed, she finds Sakura holding a scroll, next to a body that looks almost as if it were made of fragile parchment instead of flesh, with the skin pulled tight and cracked over bone. Sakura stands, exhausted and weary. She walks out of the tent, to where they had moved Shikamaru, away from the body and closer to Ino's post. The chakra it takes to extract a droplet of antidote and bring it to Shikamaru's mouth is too much, and Sakura struggles not to lose consciousness.

Sakura sees Ino, eyeing the tent where the body lies and then her and back again. The worry on her face does not abate when Sakura explains to her. "Had to extract toxins, and kekkei genkai; ended up having to exsanguinate him. Don't have enough chakra to seal him though."

"Gods Sakura," Ino gasps. She sits down next to Sakura. "Is there any way I could-" Ino looks over at the tent; Sakura smiles, but shakes her head. The energy to show Ino the handseals is not something that Sakura has right now, and she doesn't know if her friend has the chakra control necessary to seal a human body. It's a delicate procedure, and taking any more risks in this mission is not something that they should do with Shikamaru out like this. The blonde nods, resting a hand on Sakura's shoulder. She leans into it and thinks about Kakashi's understanding pats and Tsunade's firm, proud grip. "I'll keep watching and tell you when the three hours are up; just… just rest, Sakura."

The smiles they exchange are fragile. The expression feels strange on her face, but it does not feel wrong and it does not feel fake, and that is more than enough for her.

.

Sakura seals the body and the container filled with tainted blood, as Ino packs up their camp.

They head to Konoha as quickly as possible; without the sprint that most shinobi are used to, their pace is close to a crawl. Shikamaru, a heavy weight held between them, occasionally makes small noises of pain. The walk to the village, to safety, takes an eternity.

.

Kakashi knows that C-ranks aren't, despite the track record his team had ( _had, not have, because he let those kids go to bring home a broken boy; he could have gone, anybody could have gone, not those kids_ ), generally dangerous. He remembers only one that went wrong in his career, before the trip to Wave Country. That does not stop him from worrying.

The first night he is fine; Sakura had told him some details, and the place her team is going could take two days if they got delayed or slowed down from fatigue. The second, he asks around, see if anybody had noticed anything on patrol. It's still feasible that they had gotten delayed or lost or something; even if Shikamaru is too smart to let them get lost; even if they have been living in Konoha for so long that they should have some experience in the forest. The third night he is jittery, although he knows he looks even more still than usual in front of the memorial stone. Fourth, he checks the hospital thinking that they may have come injured and he had not been informed because of it being too dire. The hospital staff look like they've seen a ghost when he walks into that place conscious and of his own accord.

He may or may not have broken into the Haruno household, hoping that Sakura just decided that she hated him so much that she refused to see him. The juvenile pink decorations mixed with medical texts and scrolls and weapons makes him smile at the juxtaposition. He leaves when he realizes that he is standing alone in the middle of a thirteen year old girl's room.

By the fifth day, Tsunade forces him to go on a mission. She looks just as tired as he, but she is still functioning. "Do the mission; spend all those pent up nerves on something useful. Don't kill yourself with your worrying." They both know that she is just as worried.

He returns on the seventh day, and Tsunade looks tired beyond her years when he reports to her. They have not heard from Shikamaru's team since they left.

The eighth day he goes to the memorial stone and the cemetery, asking for a miracle to happen instead of begging for absolution. He bugs the men on guard duty at the gates when he leaves his vigil, not even trying to hide the way he watches obsessively.

( _His father, on the floor, disregarded by both his village and son; Obito, half crushed and still trying to smile; Rin, stepping in front of a fatal blow; Minato-sensei, fending off a great beast; Naruto, still believing in the good of the boy who killed him. Not Sakura, not another person to visit._ )

It's the ninth day when he sees the stumbling dots that gradually come closer and turn into his student and her companions. Obito's eye waters; it's not from sadness.


	8. Chapter 8

"Get Tsunade, or, or Shizune," Sakura manages to get out. "Shikamaru's going to _die_ if you don't get to him soon."

Her small bottle of antidote was almost out. She had spent the last two days worrying that she would run out before they got back to the village and trying not to let it show; she didn't want to subject Ino to even more uncertainty when it came to her teammate's life.

In the end, at the hospital, it falls to her to inform the medics that are rushing about what is happening. She stumbles through the basics of it. The steady weight of a hand on her shoulder ( _was Kakashi here since she got back?_ ) and the crushing grip of another in her hand ( _the way that Ino is using her for support, it's not something that Sakura ever expected to happen again_ ) are the only things keeping her mind from floating away. She hands over the scrolls, one with a body and the other with somebody's poison blood, and what is left of her senbon and the antidote.

.

 _Never become so hardened that you can't cry_ , is what Kakashi had told her. She still feels wisps of shame when she breaks down into her friend and sensei's arms the second she is not needed for any more information. The last week and however many days play in her head, even with her eyes open.

Shikamaru was attacked, and nobody had noticed anything wrong until he collapsed. Nobody had known what to do until Ino spotted the insignia of an almost dead clan with a deadly bloodline, and Sakura had the perfect toxin. ( _And Sakura killed a man, she felt him go limp; she felt him crack underneath the stomp of her foot and in the grip of her hands._ ) They had almost ran out of the antidote that was keeping Shikamaru from succumbing to the thing that Sakura had given him in an attempt to save him.

Shikamaru had come so close to death. The whole way back, Sakura had been praying to anybody or anything for him to survive. ( _She had asked Naruto to save him too, wherever he was; as if she had any right to ask that of him._ ) She had expected to wake up to a corpse when she slept, or for him to expire as she was keeping watch over him. Sakura had been bracing for Shikamaru dying between them, in their arms.

Sakura had also been determined not to let Shikamaru's last words be doubts about his leadership (" _I'm supposed to be a leader." Sakura knew the tone of voice, the doubt and the grief_ ); not to let Ino feel what she had felt in that cursed valley; not to be the one who gave him what killed him in the end.

So she cries, and the people that she has left don't speak, but they keep her from falling to the ground.

"He almost died," she says between ugly sobs. "He could have died."

.

Shizune took over the procedures from the Hokage when it looked like Shikamaru would make it through whatever they were doing, as toxins were her specialty.

When the worst is over, she has to report to Tsunade. The job would fall to Shikamaru. Sakura has to do it, because she had been the impromptu leader after Shikamaru… couldn't. She won't ask Ino to leave the hospital with her teammate in the operating room, anyways. Tsunade had requested her privately, in her office, to give the report.

"Report."

"Mission success," there is a pause, heavy and choking. "But with complications."

She explains as best she can, filling out what she did not have time to say at the hospital.

"Come here, Sakura." Tsunade sounds grave.

Sakura would not blame the woman if she terminated her apprenticeship, if the Hokage's student is so _useless_ as her teammates fall, then she can understand wanting to be rid of the student. ( _She couldn't save him, she doesn't know if Shikamaru will make it._ )

"I'm sorry, Hokage-sama, I-"

The woman grabs her, and suddenly Sakura is in being enveloped in strong arms. It's such a shock, that for a second she is paralyzed, but she eventually brings her arms up and returns the embrace. The woman squeezes tighter, and they do not exchange any more words.

.

When she gets to her house, her parents are all over her. They give her hugs, get all teary eyed, and make her her favorite dinner. They do not ask about the mission, nor do they pry. The Haruno household is warm, and she revels in it. Sakura is glad that they do not follow when she retreats to her room, before that warmth becomes suffocating.

She is surrounded by four walls, in a bed with thick blankets on her, and she is as far away from the forest as possible. Ino is safe, Shikamaru is being taken care of by some of the best medic-nin in all of the nations, and Sakura cries. It's a good cry; not the frantic tears of comprehending the mission after the adrenaline wore off, not the crying of a girl who is living the death of a friend over and over in her head, but the tears of somebody who is safe, who has made sure that she can help others safe.

She cries, and she smiles and clings onto her pillow.

(She is too relieved to complain about the traces of a distinctive wet dog smell.)

.

Sakura visits the hospital the next day. She asks about Shikamaru at the desk.

"I'm sorry, but are you family or part of his official team placement? Because-"

"It's okay. She saved him, I think that the least we can do is give her visiting rights," a deep voice says from behind her. Sakura turns around, and sees a man who looks like an older, scarred version of the boy she saved. She remembers him from when she used to play with Ino, and by default Chouji and Shikamaru. The nurse looks at him, and startles.

"O-of course Shikaku-san," she takes out a pad of paper and writes on it. "I added her to the list."

The man thanks her, and leads Sakura down the hall, presumably to where Shikamaru is. He gives Sakura an appraising look, before speaking again. Amusement shows on his face, when he speaks.

"Most people just sneak into the hospital." He gets sombre, as they keep making turns in the maze-like halls of the hospital. "Thank you, for saving my son." His voice cracks a little in the middle of his words, and Sakura can only nod, and reply as best she can to the emotions of a man who, in the scant times she had seen him before, had never lost composure or let go of his laid back demeanor.

"I couldn't let him die; I wasn't going to leave him to die."

They walk the rest of the way in silence, eventually stopping at a door that leads to a room that is not in the ICU. Sakura wants to cry with relief, because he's out of danger; Shikamaru isn't going to die because she couldn't save him. The sunlight streams into the room, almost blinding Sakura as it hits her face when she enters.

Shikamaru is there, asleep but alive and no longer at death's door. The room is full of beeping machinery and IV bags, with the rest of his team trying not to bump into the equipment. Almost the second she steps into the room, Ino hugs her with such force that she is knocked backwards into Shikaku. Chouji is there, along with Asuma, and while they do not give her a bone-crushing hug, they surround her and look at her with a sort of gratitude so sincere it leaves her dizzy.

"You know," Asuma says, hand fidgeting without a cigarette to hold in it, "I went up against one of those fuckers when I was younger. She got her revenge, even after we killed her." There is a story there, in the way that he gets closed off for a split second. He does not need to say 'thank you' in as many words; Sakura knows what he means.

.

She does not speak much during her visit. The chatter of her friends and the sight of a Shikamaru, asleep but alive, is enough for her.

.

When she goes to pick up her payment, she tries to give it back as soon as she feel the weight of it. The man who gave it to her chuckles, and explains. "The mission was upped to a B-rank." Then, he paused and looked at the file he held in his hand. "Woah, kid, you have some file here," he lets out an impressed whistle. "Less than a year, and you got a high A-rank and now a B-rank. You one of those prodigy kids?"

Sakura shakes her head. "No. The other one, the A-rank, was supposed to be a C-rank too." ( _And I did nothing, I did nothing. If I wasn't so useless, would I have been able to save Naruto, stop… him before he deserted us?_ )

"So just shit luck?" The man shrugs. "Well, if you got outta both of them alive, I hope you make chunin soon. Could use you on a team, rather than the lazy bums I have to work with." He says this with no small amount of mirth on his lips. He hands her back the envelope with the money in it, and she takes it with quiet thanks, leaving as quickly as possible.

.

Sakura is in the training ground, letting her fists drown out the conflicting feelings that she has.

It is getting late enough for the shadows to cast long shadows on the ground and to dye the Hokage monument a brilliant orange. The world is moving too quickly, and she does not know how to handle it. She is moving on, and she wishes that Naruto were here to go with her. It is impossible, and she knows this, but the way that the world keeps on turning without him to brighten it still leaves her with a heavy chest and an extra hour at the memorial stone if she allows herself to think for too long.

Sakura thinks about the Wave mission that the man had mentioned, his voice carefree and with a tint of admiration. It seems like a lifetime ago instead of a few months. It might as well have been a lifetime, with how much everything has changed for her, for everybody she knows. Sometimes, she thinks that she can hear his laugh or feel his overbearing determination in the good in people.

She does not notice that her knuckles are raw and bleeding until the sting becomes almost unbearable. When she is out of her head, brought back to the present by the pain in her fists, does she sense the person lurking in the shadows of the trees.

"Sakura," Neji says, "You should take a break, maybe have a meal?"

"Okay," Sakura is panting, and she uses what chakra she has to heal the flayed skin of her knuckles. It would be amusing, how Neji is stoic up until he has to interact with other people. "Let's go. My treat." She heads off, towards the village proper, before Neji can object; she trusts that he will follow.

.

When they arrive at Ichiraku's, there is a noticeable lack of customers, save for a few Akimichi. Sakura has never seen an Akimichi here, except for Chouji. At least they will make up for the customers that the ramen stand somehow lost.

Neji makes a noise deep in his throat. "I haven't had the pleasure of eating at this fine establishment before. It looks very salty." He sounds so disturbed that it forces a huff of laughter from Sakura.

"My money, my choice. Besides, this was his favorite place to eat." The way that she says this is fond, with a hint of melancholy mixed with affection. This place, which she had tried to avoid ever since that day, is full of memories; good natured yelling, loud and obnoxious slurping, the time they left Kakashi with the bill after Naruto beat his own eating record, the time when she was part of a team. She wishes that he could be here to see Neji mutter about the sodium intake, because he would laugh and tease the boy into trying some.

Neji nods, and takes a seat. He is handed a menu, fresh and newly made. Sakura is handed one too, and she checks the listings; there has to be a reason why they would change the menu after so many years of the old and gently worn one has worked for years. The reason is that there is a new special on the menu, big and bright.

"You named a ramen dish after him." That explains the lack of customers, although not the sudden influx of Akimichi.

"It's the least we could do for our favorite customer." The old man smiles, and it is tinged with sadness, like everything is nowadays.

Both Neji and Sakura order large bowls of the Uzumaki Naruto special.


End file.
